No One Explains This About Birth Choices (But You Deserve to Know)

There’s a thought many women have in pregnancy — but don’t always say out loud.

“I don’t really know what I want for birth… and I’m scared of choosing the wrong thing.”

Not because you don’t care. But because there’s a lot of noise.

Different opinions. Strong birth stories. Medical language that feels confusing. And a quiet pressure to “just trust the system” and hope it all works out.

If this is you, you’re not failing at pregnancy. You’re standing at the exact point where good support actually matters.

Most women don’t feel clear about birth — and that makes sense

Despite what it looks like online, most women don’t enter pregnancy with strong opinions about birth.

What they usually have is:

• a sense of what they don’t want

• a fear of being pushed into things

• and a feeling they should be more prepared than they are

And often they assume:“My midwife will explain all this to me.”

Here’s the honest truth.

Midwives are not birth educators — and that’s not a criticism

Midwives are skilled, knowledgeable care providers. They monitor you and your baby. They keep you safe within the system.

But midwives are not birth educators.

Not because they don’t want to be —but because they simply don’t have the time or capacity.

Appointments are short. Caseloads are huge. And their role is clinical care, not in-depth education.

That means birth education is not automatically given. It’s something you have to actively seek out.

Why “just trusting the system” isn’t the same as being informed

Another thing most women aren’t told:

Because midwives and doctors work inside the medical system, their perspective is often shaped by:

• what they see most often

• what they’re trained to manage

• what the system prioritises

That doesn’t make them wrong or uncaring. But it does mean they are not always neutral or unbiased.

Which is exactly why relying on one voice — or one system — can leave women feeling:

• confused

• pressured

• or unsure whether something is a true necessity or simply routine

Informed choice requires balanced, independent education.

Not fear-based. Not agenda-driven. And not pushing you toward a particular type of birth.

“Your birth, your choices” doesn’t mean you need all the answers

This is where women often get overwhelmed.

They think making choices means:

• deciding everything in advance

• having strong opinions

• knowing exactly what they want

That’s not reality.

Real choice looks like:

• understanding your options before you’re in labour

• knowing what questions to ask

• recognising when something feels right — or doesn’t

• having time to pause instead of rushing into decisions

It’s not about control. It’s about clarity.

The women who cope best in birth aren’t the most confident ones

This surprises people.

The women who cope best aren’t necessarily the calmest, toughest, or most “prepared”.

They’re the ones who:

• understand what’s happening in their body

• recognise what’s being offered and why

• feel supported by their partner

• trust themselves to adapt if things change

That confidence doesn’t come from bravery. It comes from clear, unbiased balanced birth education.

The kind that helps you think, not comply.

This is the gap most women fall into

Many women:

• attend appointments

• read bits online

• maybe watch a few videos

And still reach labour thinking:

“I know some things… but I don’t really get how this works.”

That gap — between information and understanding — is where fear creeps in.

And it’s completely avoidable.

A gentle reminder before you go

You don’t need to be “low intervention” or “go with the flow”.You don’t need a perfect birth plan.And you don’t need to know everything right now.

You do deserve:

• balanced information

• honest explanations

• and space to make choices that feel right for you

If at some point you decide you want structured, unbiased birth education — that’s exactly what antenatal classes are for.

Antenatal Classes Learn More

And if you’re pregnant in Auckland and looking for that kind of support, my one-day antenatal classes exist to help women feel informed, calm, and confident — without pressure or agenda.

That’s it.No pushing.Just an option, when you’re ready.

Donna x

Antenatal Classes Auckland

Mothers Groups Auckland

Frequently Asked Questions

Do midwives teach birth education during pregnancy appointments?

Midwives provide essential clinical care and monitoring during pregnancy, but they are not birth educators. Appointments are short, caseloads are high, and there isn’t time to cover in-depth birth education. This is why antenatal education is something many women need to seek separately.

Why is independent antenatal education important?

Independent antenatal education gives you balanced, unbiased information about your options. Because doctors and midwives work within the medical system, their perspectives can be influenced by what they see most often. Independent education helps you understand choices without being pushed in any particular direction.

Do I need to know what kind of birth I want before attending antenatal classes?

No. Most women don’t arrive knowing exactly what they want. Antenatal classes are designed to help you understand your options, ask informed questions, and figure out what matters to you — not to lock you into a plan.

When is the best time to attend antenatal classes?

Most women attend antenatal classes in the second or early third trimester. This gives you time to absorb the information, talk things through with your partner, and feel more confident as birth approaches.

Are antenatal classes only for first-time parents?

No. Many second- and third-time parents attend antenatal classes, especially if they want a different experience, clearer understanding, or more confidence after a previous birth.

How do antenatal classes help with birth choices?

Good antenatal education explains how birth works, what your options are, and what questions you can ask. This helps you feel calm and informed, even if labour doesn’t go exactly to plan.